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Hello.......... eto na naman me..........
up one level Kung Anu-Ano Pa [Miscellaneous] : Joke Joke Joke whoIS Who is on this Thread? users
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   Author  Topic: Hello.......... eto na naman me..........   « Thread started on: 04/06/07 08:40 AM»

NOYPITOITS


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Re: forward of all forwards
Posted: 08/03/08 08:10 PM
NewReply

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9402


NOYPITOITS


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Re: sa may dalampasigan
Posted: 04/25/08 05:00 AM
NewReply

May nakakita sa akin sa dalampasigan na malungkot at nag-iisa.
Sabi niya, “Kung mahal mo siya, bakit hindi mo ipadama?”
Sumagot ako, “Mahal ka riyan! Nag-outing kami, naiwan ako! Adik ‘to!”

           ****************************

 Kung amoy putok ka…
BE PROUD!
Pinagpawisan mo ‘yan, eh!

          ***************************

 I know you miss me! Pero ayaw mo lang sabihin sa akin…
So, ako na lang ang magsasabi…
In behalf of you, “I miss you.”
Wow! How sweet! I miss you, too!

          ****************************

 TATAY: Anak, akina ‘yang P5 mo, ibili natin ng toyo para ulam.
ANAK: Ayoko nga! Ibibili ko ‘to ng yoyo.
TATAY: Bakit? Makakain mo ba ang yoyo?
ANAK: Bakit? Iikot ba ang toyo?

           ***************************

 INAY: Hoy, Pedrito! Bakit puro pula ang grado mo?!
PEDRITO: Naubusan po kasi si ma’am ng black pen.
INAY: Eh bakit may mga ‘F’?!
PEDRITO: Si Inay naman, galit agad… Ang ibig pong sabihin nu’n, FASADO!

 
           ***************************

 Sa kindergarten…
TEACHER: Ano ang kasunod ng number 8?
TOTOY: Number 9, ma’am!
TEACHER: Eh ang kasunod ng number 9?
TOTOY: Number 10 po.
TEACHER: Wow! Ang galing! Sino ang nagturo sa ‘yo na bumilang?
TOTOY: Ang tatay ko po.
TEACHER: Ano naman ang kasunod ng number 10?
TOTOY: Jack po. Tapos, Queen, tapos, King!

           **************************

 Sa school…
BADING #1: Friendship! Bakit parang ang puti ng mukha mo ngayon?
BADING #2: Helleeerrr!!! Foundation Day kaya ngayon, duh?!

            **********************

 Sinabihan ng tambay ang nagsusugal na si Dodong, “Parating na ang misis mo! Susunduin ka na naman, Dodong! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“Wala ‘yan!” bulalas ni Dodong. “Kapag nakita niyan ang tattoo ko, aalis agad ‘yan!”
“Talaga? O, ayan na ang misis mo,” sey ng tambay.
Ipinakita ni Dodong sa kanyang misis ang kanyang tattoo. Umalis agad si misis.
“O, kita mo na?! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” halakhak ni Dodong.
Usisa ng tambay, Aba, oo nga, ‘no?! Iba ka, pare! Ano ba ‘yang tattoo mo?”
Ipinakita ni Dodong ang kanyang tattoo. Binasa ng tambay ang nakasulat sa tattoo, “Mauna ka na, susunod ako.”

       **********************

 GMA: I'm planing to stop POVERTY & MASS STARVATION.
ERAP: Alam mo Gloria, yung poverty madaling pigilin. Pero ang Masturbation, aba..Human rights violation yan!

       **********************

  In the Philippines, most kids in private schools are forced to speak English at all times. A kid who just came from the province and who barely speaks the language tried his best to do so.

   One day, the kid needed to go to the bathroom so bad but he didn't know what to tell his teacher. He raised his hand and said, "guro" pwede po bang pumunta nang banyo?" (meaning, teacher may I go to the bathroom?')

   Since the boy didn't speak English, the teacher pretended that she didn't hear him. The boy said to himself, "what should I say (in Filipino, of course)". Then suddenly, the boy raised his hand and said, "FATHER, MOTHER, I", and quickly rushed out the door and to the bathroom.

   The teacher wondered what the boy meant. 15 minutes later, the boy came back. The teacher asked him where he went. He said that he went to the bathroom and he needed to go really bad. Then she asked what he meant when he said 'FATHER, MOTHER, I'. The boy then explained, "FATHER in filipino was TATA, MOTHER in filipino was INA and I in Filipino was AKO."

   TATA - INA – AKO

          ***********************

 NENE: Ayoko na sa Boyfriend ko. Ngayon ko lang nalaman ang tunay niyang pagkatao at nandidiri ako!

ANA: Bakit naman?

NENE: Isipin mo ba naman na usisain ako kung sino-sino ang mga naging boyfriend ko bago siya.

ANA: Iyon lang pala, e. Anong masama roon?

NENE: Anong masama? E bigla ba naman akong pinagmumura at pinagdudusta dahil ako raw pala ang nang-agaw ng mga boyfriend niya.

         ***********************

 Bago ikasal si Nena, tinawag siya ng kanyang Nanay at pinagbilinan.

Inay: Nena, ang maipapayo ko lang sa iyo ay huwag kang magpapakita sa iyong asawa na hubot-hubad. Kailangan ay may suot ka lagi.

Nena: Opo, Nanay. Hindi ko po kakalimutan.

Pagkaraan ng ilang araw...

Asawa: Nena Swithart, may lahi ba kayong may sira sa ulo?

Nena: Wala naman, Dear, bakit mo naitanong?

Asawa: Naitanong ko dahil sa buong linggong nagsasama na tayo e lagi mong suot yang sombrero sa kama.

         ***********************

 Mahirap magsabi ng, “Sorry.” Mahirap magsabi ng, “I love you and I need you.”
Pero nalaman ko, mas mahirap palang sabihin ang, “Loyal Rural Ruler” nang limang beses.
Subukan mo!

         ***********************

 AMO: KNOCK! KNOCK!
TSIMAY: Who’s there?
AMO: Amo mo!
TSIMAY: Amo who?
AMO: Taena mo, Inday! Papasukin mo ‘ko! Tanga!
TSIMAY: ‘Tang ‘na ka! Kumatok ka kasi! Hindi isinisigaw ang KNOCK KNOCK! BOBO!!!

      ***********************

 Bumisita sa Pilipinas ang Frenc

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NOYPITOITS


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Re: scary tale.........
Posted: 04/09/08 08:07 PM
NewReply

This is a story from Far Eastern University
(Diliman) about a young
college girl who passed away last month.

Her name was Summera. She was hit by a dumper truck.
She had a boy friend named Arif. Both of them were
true lovers. They always hung on the phone.

You could never see her without her cell phone. In
fact she also changed her phone from Smart to Globe,
so both of them can be on the same network,and
save on the cost and get good network coverage.
She spent half of the day talking with Arif.
Summera's family knew about their relationship.

Arif was very close with Summera's family. (Just
imagine their love).
Before she passed away she always told her friends "If
I pass away please bury me with my hand cellphone"
she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people couldn't carry her coffin, I was there.
A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't, everybody
including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the
same. Eventually, they called a Feng Shui Master.
He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.

After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses
something here". Then her friends told the Master about
her intentions to bury her with her phone.
He then opened the coffin and places her cellphone and
SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry 
the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the
van easily. All of us were shocked. Summera's parents
did not inform Arif that Summera had passed away.
After 2 weeks Arif called Summera's mom. "I'm coming
home today. Cook something nice for me.

Dont tell Summera that I'm coming home today, I wanna
surprise her." Her mother replied..... "You come home
first, I wanna tellyou something very important."
after he came, they told him the truth about Summera.

Arif thought that they were playing a fool. He was
laughing and said "don't try to fool me - tell Summera
to come out, I have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense".
Then they showed him her grave. He said...
"It's not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.

Arif was shaking. Suddenly, his phone rang. "See this
is from Summera, see this..." he showed the cellphone
to Summera's family. All of them told him to answer.
He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard
his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no
humming. It was the actual voice of Summera & there was
no way others could use her SIM card since it was nailed
inside the coffin. They were so shocked and asked for the
Feng Shuie Master's help again. The Master brought his
co-masters to solve this matter. He & his co-masters
worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing...

Globe has the best coverage. Where ever you go, their
network follows

(hehehehehehehe) !!!


Attachment:          
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kim35


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Posted: 03/31/08 11:21 AM NewReply

hey bimbo, katawa yan huh!!!!



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Bimbo


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Posted: 10/22/07 12:48 PM NewReply

Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!
 

Kaya niyayari tayo ng 'Desperate Housewives'! LMAO



galing-galing mo naman  napatawa mo ko,ha!!!    sooooo....cute na rin ba ako?    thanx
-view original message from jojo: 8254 
  10/19/07 07:33 AM

Attachment:          
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8260
Asinero


jojo


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Posted: 10/19/07 07:33 AM NewReply

galing-galing mo naman  napatawa mo ko,ha!!!    sooooo....cute na rin ba ako?    thanx

Attachment:          
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8254


NOYPITOITS


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Re: Tawa uli...........
Posted: 10/18/07 04:39 AM
NewReply

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "
 
Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"
 
"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: Tay ! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"
  
bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!
 

 Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko. 
 
 
Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!
 
 
 
Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang! (hihihihi! )
 
 
Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po
 
 
ANG NAKARAAN....
May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante. Biglang hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng daga?
DAGA: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama!
 
SA PAGPAPATULOY. ...
Dahil di makapaniwala ang elepante, dinala nya ang daga sa doctor. Tuwang-tuwa ang elepante at masayang ibinulong sa daga ang resul^
ELEPANTE: Ako nga ang ama, at elepante ang anak natin, at kambal sila! =)
 
 
TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday! ?
 
 
TITSER: Juan, use recharge & caffeine in a sentence.
JUAN: Si "Recharge" Gutierrez ay si "Caffeine" Barbell. ?
 
 
ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.
FPJ: Anong problema?
ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to. Tsk, tsk...
FPJ: Anong title?
ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"
 
 
BUNSO: Tay , may multo daw sa kusina natin?
TATAY: Anak, sino naman nagsabi sayo nyan?
BUNSO: Si ate po!
TATAY: Ay nako, wag ka nga magpapaniwala dun! Wala namang multo eh! Ang mabuti pa samahan mo na lang ako sa kusina, at iinom lang ako ng tubig...
 
 
Jun-Jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Jun-Jun: "Sino ang walang assignment?"
  
 
Thelma: Sabi mo, dok, safe ang calendar method. Eh, bakit ako nabuntis?
Dok: Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?
Thelma: Ginawa naming banig.
 
 
Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime:  Are you free tonight?
The sexy secretary replies: Sir, ha... huwag naman, FREE... Bibigyan na lang kita ng discount!
 
 
Girl: Maganda ba ko?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka...
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?! Tisay yata to!
Boy: Oo nga, pero 'yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!
 
 
Eliseo: Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo. Ang akala niya, ang LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!
JoshuA: Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado yun?!
 
  
AND MY FAVORITE:
 
Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!


Attachment:          
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NOYPITOITS


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Re: wala lang magawa...........
Posted: 09/20/07 02:26 AM
NewReply

I read on the newspaper that sending text messages causes a radiation that is cancerous. That's why I have decided to stop….to stop reading newspapers.

Why do I miss you? Because you make me smile. You are so kind. You are so sweet. You are very funny. And most of all, because you are not texting me any more. That's why.

When you are in love, you wish you were married. When you are married, you wish you were in love.

The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too. But if rain really makes all things beautiful, why doesn't it rain on you?

Whenever I hear people say something bad about you, like when they say that you are not cute enough, I would always come to your defense and say "She's trying to be one naman a!"

I hate blackout. Never mind the aircon, never mind TV and stereo, never mind the internet. But if I could not recharge my cell phone so I could keep texting, that's another point. I hate blackout.

Every time I hold her hand, I feel like holding my cheek. She always slaps me on the face.

The only people whom I greet "Good morning" are those who are smart, cute and malakas ang sex appeal. So, pano ba yan? E di good afternoon na lang sayo!

"Learn to appreciate art," I told my girlfriend. She said, "How could I appreciate you, then?"

You've got sex appeal, you've got style, you've got intelligence, and you've got class. You've got the face and you've got the body but I've got the wrong number… Sorry ha, mali pala!

We hate others for imitating us. We are irritated by their attitude.

Kung akala mo importante ka sa akin, kung akala mo may tiwala ako sayo, kung akalamo namimiss kita at kung akala mo friend kita…Korek ka dyan!

I'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby. Now that you're a grownup, I have one question..... What happened?

Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose - your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don't have!

I had a dream about you. Nasa heaven daw tayo with two angels. Your angel is cute but mine is not, so tampo ko. I asked why cute ang angel mo. They said: "Balance of nature".

Why do we sleep? Because we need to take a break from texting. Have a nice dream while texting.

How can you know if a person is cute? First, he or she has a poor memory. Second - umn … I forgot na!

Our friendship means a lot to me, that if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I'll..uhm.. ah.. eh..I'm gonna miss you for sure!

Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Kasi sabi nila cute daw ako kapag naiinis ako! Kaya, Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako!

Reporter: How does it feel to become a millionaire?
Millionaire: Sad, because I am not a billionaire.

I've just heard a funny joke. I can't stop laughing. Hahahaha! Want to hear it. Biruin more…..cute ka raw? Hahahaha!

While walking down the street, I heard an old man say "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now." I was touched until I heard him say "I wish she knew."

Bakit exciting ang text? 1. Kasi pwedeng magpacute and pangit. 2. Pwedeng single ang married 3. Sa text bida ang sinungaling 4. Sa text bistado ang kuripot.

Smile is the secret to stay young and cute. Naks, bakit ka nakangiti?

What is the difference between cute and feeling cute? Cute is the one who sent this and feeling cute is the one reading this. He...He...he... Text mo sa iba para ikaw naman ang cute!

I may not be your PEPSI choice of the new generation; I may not be your COKE, only the real thing; or your NIDO, world's no. 1 but I can be your REXONA I won't let you down.

I'm thinking u. I want to be with u. I am longing for u. I have a crush on u. I want to hug and kiss u. I love u. Ikaw, love mo rin ba ang letter u?

If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money, wait for your salary.

No matter how sad, no matter how sick, I feel better just thinking of you... But I'm happier each time I send you a message 'coz I know I'll be disturbing you!

If they say "Good looks could kill", then please don't look at me! I don't wanna see you die!

Anong animal ang hindi sigurado? Eh di BAKA! Ano naman ang pinutol? E di CAT! E ano naman and laging ayos? E di OX! Ano ang laging nauuntog? E di DOG! E ano naman ang pangit? E di COW!

I sent an angel to watch over you last night while you were sleeping. She went back to me and said ang cute mo raw. Sinampal ko nga. Mali ang binantayan.

Between the thousand yesterdays and a million tomorrows, there's only one today and I wouldn't let this day pass without saying this to you - ang cute ko, grabe!

When I say good morning, it means I'm thinking of you. When I say take care, it means I care for you. When I say ang cute mo, antok lang ako. Tulog na ko.

I saw someone at the mall. So cute, smart-looking, simple, elegant, and looks like a celebrity. Kainis paglapit ko nauntog ako. Salamin pala!

Just got my medical exam results. Malala na ang sakit ko. Everyday lalo akong gumaganda at wala raw gamot dito. But don't worry, di daw nakakahawa. Safe ka.

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NOYPITOITS


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Posted: 06/30/07 10:05 AM NewReply

LESSONS

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay:

"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC:

"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC:

"Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:

"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM:

"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA:

"Wag kang tatayo diyan hanggat di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER:

"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!"

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS:

"Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY:

"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION:

"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING:

"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR:

"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE:

"Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak...tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

 




 

Ateneo - La Salle Silent Debate

A hotly contested event, since the finalists are usually the ateneo and de lasalle. it's a team event, each school allowed to send one five-man team. a rundown of the finals round in the 2003 silent debate between ateneo and lasalle:

moderator: we'll begin with ----- ATENEO!

atenean: (points a finger at lasalle)

lasallian: (points two fingers at ateneo)

atenean: (points three fingers at lasalle)

lasallian: (shakes his fist at ateneo)

atenean: (holds up a ripe apple)

lasallian (after much discussion under huddle): (holds up a sandwich)

TOOOOOOTTTT!!!! it's over. lasalle wins decisively.





In the ateneo dugout, team members review the minutes of the debate. they agreed it was a close-run thing and that the lasallian team got lucky:

atenean: (points a finger at lasalle) - "God the Father!"

lasallian: (points two fingers at ateneo) - "God the Father, God the Son!"

atenean: (points three fingers at lasalle) - "The Holy Trinity!"

lasallian: (shakes his fist at ateneo) - "Unity, the strength of one!"

atenean: (holds up a ripe apple) - "Food of the Gods!"

lasallian (after much discussion under huddle): (holds up a sandwich) - "THE BREAD OF LIFE!"




In the Lasalle dugout: LUCK. everyone says it's luck. the year's victory was somewhat deflated because of that. even the lasallian crowd thought so:

atenean: (points a finger at lasalle) - "tutusukin ko mata mo!"

lasallian: (points two fingers at ateneo) - "tutusukin ko dalawa mong mata!"

atenean: (points three fingers at lasalle) - "tusok parehong mata, saksak pa sa ilong mo!"

lasallian: (shakes his fist at ateneo) - "suntukan na lang!"

atenean: (holds up a ripe apple) - "may baon ka ba?"

lasallian (after much discussion under huddle): (holds up a sandwich) - "o ito. 'noh akala mo sa 'kin?"

*****************************************************************************************************

nanay:anak ano tong zero sa test paper mo? 

anak:nay hindi po yan zero, naubusan po kasi ng star si maam kaya binigyan nya akong moon

*******************************************************************************************************

While in a pizzeria.
Eddie Gil: What are your specialties?
Waiter: Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.
Eddie Gil: Talaga, bigyan mo nga ako ng Shakey’s!!

*********************************************************************************************************

Eddie Gil: Paano ako makakalabas dito sa kuwarto ko?
Receptionist: Bakit po sir, ano pong problema sa mga pinto?
Eddie Gil: Dalawa lang ang pinto. Ang isa pag bukas ko banyo. ‘Yung isa naman may nakasabit na “do not disturb”

*********************************************************************************************************

Pulis: Bakit mo inihagis ang bata sa bintana?
Yaya: Sinunod ko po ang utos ng amo ko.
Sabi po ng amo ko, 'wala na tayong Pampers,
i- Huggies mo na lang si baby.
************************************************************************************

Guro: Ano dapat gawin pag may lindol?
Boy: Buksan po ang ilaw!
Guro: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi po sa bahay kubo namin, madalas lumindol kapag gabi, pero pag-switch ko po ng ilaw, biglang tumitigil!!!

********************************************************************************

Teacher: Eddie, kung makapulot ka ng isang milyong piso, ano ang gagawin mo?
Eddie: Kung galing po ito sa mahirap na tao, isosoli ko.

**************************************************************************************

What is sex in Español? “Vamos tumba la cama, entrada mi picoy tu fuerta, con atras abante; no pwersa pero sige rapido birada, cargada cemilya todo discarga..ole!!

************************************************************************************

Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?
Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.
Nun: wil ds ease d pain?
Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo , Bwiset!!!

*********************************************************************************

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant.
Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu. Hindi mo ba napansing bulag ako? Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na tinidor at nang malaman ko kung ano ang kakainin ko! bulyaw ng bulag.

Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang tinidor na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag. Inamoy ng bulag ang una. Fried chicken!Hindi ako kumakain ng fried chicken, sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy ng unang
tinidor at inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor. Eto, meatloaf, bigyan mo ako niyan.

Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina para kausapin ang cook na si Maria. Ang galing noong bulag, oh, amoy pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin niya, magluto ka nga ng meatloaf, kuwento ng waiter kay Maria. Nagluto si Maria ng meatloaf at ibinigay sa bulag. Nasarapan ang customer kaya nagbigay ito ng malaking tip.

Kinabukasan, bumalik ang bulag at nagbigay na naman ng dalawang tinidor ang waiter para ipaamoy rito. Ito, gusto ko ng porkchop, sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy pa lang ng unang tinidor.

Sa ikatlong araw, umamoy na naman ang bulag ng dalawang tinidor. Hindi ako kumakain ng hamburger. Ito namang isa, meatloaf ulit. Wala na bang bago? reklamo ng bulag.

Teka lang ho, sabi ng waiter sabay labas.Kumuha ng malinis na tinidor ang waiter at pinahid sa loob ng panty ni Maria para paglaruan ang customer. Subukan n'yo po ito, sabi ng waiter na iniabot ang tinidor na pinunas sa panty ni Maria. Aba!, gulat na sabi ng bulag.

Dito na ba nagtratrabaho si Maria?


 

 


-view original message from NOYPITOITS: 6425 
  04/06/07 08:40 AM

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NOYPITOITS


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Posted: 04/06/07 08:40 AM NewReply

 

Ateneo - La Salle Silent Debate

A hotly contested event, since the finalists are usually the ateneo and de lasalle. it's a team event, each school allowed to send one five-man team. a rundown of the finals round in the 2003 silent debate between ateneo and lasalle:

moderator: we'll begin with ----- ATENEO!

atenean: (points a finger at lasalle)

lasallian: (points two fingers at ateneo)

atenean: (points three fingers at lasalle)

lasallian: (shakes his fist at ateneo)

atenean: (holds up a ripe apple)

lasallian (after much discussion under huddle): (holds up a sandwich)

TOOOOOOTTTT!!!! it's over. lasalle wins decisively.





In the ateneo dugout, team members review the minutes of the debate. they agreed it was a close-run thing and that the lasallian team got lucky:

atenean: (points a finger at lasalle) - "God the Father!"

lasallian: (points two fingers at ateneo) - "God the Father, God the Son!"

atenean: (points three fingers at lasalle) - "The Holy Trinity!"

lasallian: (shakes his fist at ateneo) - "Unity, the strength of one!"

atenean: (holds up a ripe apple) - "Food of the Gods!"

lasallian (after much discussion under huddle): (holds up a sandwich) - "THE BREAD OF LIFE!"




In the Lasalle dugout: LUCK. everyone says it's luck. the year's victory was somewhat deflated because of that. even the lasallian crowd thought so:

atenean: (points a finger at lasalle) - "tutusukin ko mata mo!"

lasallian: (points two fingers at ateneo) - "tutusukin ko dalawa mong mata!"

atenean: (points three fingers at lasalle) - "tusok parehong mata, saksak pa sa ilong mo!"

lasallian: (shakes his fist at ateneo) - "suntukan na lang!"

atenean: (holds up a ripe apple) - "may baon ka ba?"

lasallian (after much discussion under huddle): (holds up a sandwich) - "o ito. 'noh akala mo sa 'kin?"

*****************************************************************************************************

nanay:anak ano tong zero sa test paper mo? 

anak:nay hindi po yan zero, naubusan po kasi ng star si maam kaya binigyan nya akong moon

*******************************************************************************************************

While in a pizzeria.
Eddie Gil: What are your specialties?
Waiter: Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.
Eddie Gil: Talaga, bigyan mo nga ako ng Shakey’s!!

*********************************************************************************************************

Eddie Gil: Paano ako makakalabas dito sa kuwarto ko?
Receptionist: Bakit po sir, ano pong problema sa mga pinto?
Eddie Gil: Dalawa lang ang pinto. Ang isa pag bukas ko banyo. ‘Yung isa naman may nakasabit na “do not disturb”

*********************************************************************************************************

Pulis: Bakit mo inihagis ang bata sa bintana?
Yaya: Sinunod ko po ang utos ng amo ko.
Sabi po ng amo ko, 'wala na tayong Pampers,
i- Huggies mo na lang si baby.
************************************************************************************

Guro: Ano dapat gawin pag may lindol?
Boy: Buksan po ang ilaw!
Guro: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi po sa bahay kubo namin, madalas lumindol kapag gabi, pero pag-switch ko po ng ilaw, biglang tumitigil!!!

********************************************************************************

Teacher: Eddie, kung makapulot ka ng isang milyong piso, ano ang gagawin mo?
Eddie: Kung galing po ito sa mahirap na tao, isosoli ko.

**************************************************************************************

What is sex in Español? “Vamos tumba la cama, entrada mi picoy tu fuerta, con atras abante; no pwersa pero sige rapido birada, cargada cemilya todo discarga..ole!!

************************************************************************************

Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?
Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.
Nun: wil ds ease d pain?
Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo , Bwiset!!!

*********************************************************************************

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant.
Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu. Hindi mo ba napansing bulag ako? Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na tinidor at nang malaman ko kung ano ang kakainin ko! bulyaw ng bulag.

Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang tinidor na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag. Inamoy ng bulag ang una. Fried chicken!Hindi ako kumakain ng fried chicken, sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy ng unang
tinidor at inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor. Eto, meatloaf, bigyan mo ako niyan.

Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina para kausapin ang cook na si Maria. Ang galing noong bulag, oh, amoy pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin niya, magluto ka nga ng meatloaf, kuwento ng waiter kay Maria. Nagluto si Maria ng meatloaf at ibinigay sa bulag. Nasarapan ang customer kaya nagbigay ito ng malaking tip.

Kinabukasan, bumalik ang bulag at nagbigay na naman ng dalawang tinidor ang waiter para ipaamoy rito. Ito, gusto ko ng porkchop, sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy pa lang ng unang tinidor.

Sa ikatlong araw, umamoy na naman ang bulag ng dalawang tinidor. Hindi ako kumakain ng hamburger. Ito namang isa, meatloaf ulit. Wala na bang bago? reklamo ng bulag.

Teka lang ho, sabi ng waiter sabay labas.Kumuha ng malinis na tinidor ang waiter at pinahid sa loob ng panty ni Maria para paglaruan ang customer. Subukan n'yo po ito, sabi ng waiter na iniabot ang tinidor na pinunas sa panty ni Maria. Aba!, gulat na sabi ng bulag.

Dito na ba nagtratrabaho si Maria?


 

 



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